I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
