So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He did a backflip because drugs
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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