It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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