Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
