its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
