So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
mondays should just be called national damage control day
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
