hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
