She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
