Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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