..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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