I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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