I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
