3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
