It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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