new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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