Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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