Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
sarcasm needs its own font
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
