Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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