is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
