Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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