im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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