i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
