My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Come share oat with me in your robe
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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