There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
