he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
