Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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