Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
