so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
