hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
