so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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