I love black thongs
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
