I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
