when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
