Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
