If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I need to stop coming to work sober
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
