Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
