well I can't set my house on fire every night
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
