just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
