Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
