you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
they're like a gay fantastic four
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
