How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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