I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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