Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
