there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
