Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
