Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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