so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
