Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
