I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
