i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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