my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
