The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
