I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
