This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
