she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
