It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
