Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
